He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
