you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
