Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
