After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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