We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
