Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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