im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
