I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
