Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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