Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
