There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
