Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
