I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
