I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
