dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
