I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
