I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
