how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
