I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
