Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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