Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
