My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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