When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
