his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
