I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
