Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
