there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My vagina is officially offended.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
