Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
