i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
