woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
