i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
