I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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