just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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