we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
