I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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