Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
