In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
