I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
