you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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