i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
