we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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