I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
