So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
