I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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