I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
