If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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