You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
