Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
