Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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