My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
