I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
