sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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