if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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