If that was your dad, he is hot
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
