So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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