he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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