I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
