I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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